2010 Prospects
Thursday, December 31st, 2009 | iRate Chick blogs | No Comments
2009 has come and gone. Last year at this time I was unemployed, worrying about the future and having babies. On this last day of 2009, I sit here contemplating what 2010 holds for us. I’m done making grandiose plans for the new year and will just celebrate the end of the decade.
Thinking back during the last 10 years, life has been great. My family is well, finally married my love of two decades, and have a home I love (except it needs a good cleaning), and my niece Sabrina came into this world in 2006 and made our lives so much richer with her presence. At least if I don’t have kids, she is my adoptive child.
So instead of bitching and complaining about what I don’t have, I will celebrate what I do have. I came to this realization with the news that Sabrina’s paternal grandmother is on her death bed and she might not see it through the new year. She is only in her early 60’s and has been suffering with cancer the last few years but she is a strong woman. Hearing the news put a damper on celebrating the end of 2009, but it also made me realize you have to live every day like it’s your last because it might end soon. I feel even worse for her son, Sabrina’s father who cherishes his mother. It’s a sad, sad day for their families and my niece who will not get to see her grandmother anymore. Hopefully, she won’t forget her since she is young.
But I shouldn’t talk about her in the past as she is still fighting to stay here on Earth and fought to stay another day as I write this. My thoughts and prayers are with her and my only wish for the new year is that she makes it through.
Depression Hurts
Wednesday, November 25th, 2009 | iRate Chick blogs | No Comments
Since turning 40, I haven’t been able to shake the blues. Two friends with similar baby wants turned 40 in the summer and they suffered with depression after their birthdays but being the optimist, I told them to look on the bright side. Things will work out. Then a few weeks after my birthday, I felt down too.
At first I thought it was the usual depression I feel in the fall around the time change. Since I was a kid, I always felt that way because summer was over and it was back to school. So I wrote it off as the usual, but come November I was nearly in tears a couple of times and going off on my husband a lot…more than he’s used to. My patience level is at an all time low so I blow up at everybody.
I attributed it to getting up at 1:45 am to get to work and then coming home and working some more on my side projects until I went to bed ‘What is wrong with you,’ my conscious kept telling me as I tried to talk myself out of it. Here we are approaching the last month of 2009 and still feeling the same but I have a better handle of it now.
I keep thinking of the television commercial for Cymbalta, ‘Depression Hurts’ and so it does but as I preached to my friends, look on the bright side…and that’s how I’m holding up.
Third Boob Confirmed
Saturday, October 10th, 2009 | iRate Chick blogs | No Comments
All this time I was kidding with my husband that the annoyingly large lump of fat under my arm was an extra boob….and it turns out to be true.
As a good 40 year old woman, I went in for a mammogram after my birthday and they did their usual squishing your boobs in between two cold slabs of metal tests but I asked them to check the lump which keeps getting larger with the weight gain just to be sure it wasn’t something harmful.
Since hitting puberty, the underarm lump with a dimple right smack in the middle of it has prevented me from wearing strapless clothes because of my problem with it. While I see it peaking out of most women’s strapless wear and doctor’s have told me it’s normal fatty tissue, I can’t get over it and won’t wear anything revealing. Although I did wear a strapless wedding dress, the ugly fatty head made its way into the photo album. Oh, well! That was my only exception for the special day. Bathing suits are another matter. I had one bathing suit which I loved because I could tuck the sucker in but it no longer fits me and I have not been able to find a similar one to do the job. But it’s not like I’ll be going to the beach or a pool anytime soon since I dislocated my shoulder in a Las Vegas pool for my birthday in 2007. I have a fear of pools now and beach is not happening either…well maybe if it’s on a tropical vacation.
So when I met my husband and he finally saw my naked body, he asked why the lump was there with a dimple. I referred to the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie “Total Recall” in which one of the mutants on Mars had three breasts. I teased him that I was a mutant with a third bosom and he laughed but I told him it was a natural lump according to the doctors who examined it.
At 40, that lump is the most annoying thing on my body while I’m PMS’ing. It’s sore, raw, and grows during that horrible period (cue the drum crash) so I complained about it to my current doctor who suggested I ask the Mammogram technicians to check during my appointment. So after the mammogram, the ultrasound lady tech checked and confirmed that there is breast tissue in the lump which explains the soreness and sensitivity during your menstrual cycle. I wondered if a plastic surgeon could suck the fat out of the thing but the lady tech replied that people have had more problems with the removal of it than just keeping it. Not that I would ever spend money on that, but the thought has crossed my mind.
But wouldn’t most men find a third bosom a turn on? More to play with? My husband didn’t buy that argument but he accepts me third boob and all.
Mammogram Age
Wednesday, September 23rd, 2009 | iRate Chick blogs | No Comments
Around your birthday you get junk mail wishing you a happy birthday from creditors and the Hallmark club for example.
A week after my birthday I received a sort of birthday wish – a reminder that I’m at that age required for an annual mammogram.
Great! One more thing to add to my “Over 40 Worries”
Guess I better get on it and make that appointment.
I’m 40
Saturday, September 12th, 2009 | iRate Chick blogs | No Comments
So I made it through the dreaded 40th birthday on 09-09-09. Cool date, shitty age.
I started my day early, opting to go work that day as usual at 3 am but by 2pm we were at Disneyland enjoying my free day pass courtesy of Mickey Mouse.
A day after turning 40 – I came to two conclusions; start lying about my age (nice to meet you, I’m 35 years-old) and it’s time to try for children. I don’t know why I feel a sense of urgency to get pregnant now. Before I felt like I had time but now the race is on and relayed that to my sperm donor.
The race is on….
20 Years Together
Wednesday, August 19th, 2009 | iRate Chick blogs | No Comments
Yesterday my husband and I celebrated 20 years together, five of those married. We kept it low key with an early dinner at the Redondo Beach pier, a walk at sunset and some arcade games where I kicked some Centipede butt. I still got it after all these years. Wasn’t so lucky at Galaga though.
My other half wanted to go to the place where we met and take a picture but I thought it was too far and I had to be in bed early for work. But it was a good idea because the goth club in Hollywood where we met is now a Home Depot. That was the site of some good times not just meeting my husband but hanging out with friends during our gothic phase. We stil try to go clubbing at least once a year to a different location in Hollywood – same music, same people – different attitude. It’s funny that the fashion hasn’t changed and a new crop of goths take on the same look and the music is still better then the crap out today.
We were so carefree and had all the energy of a teen but with our responsibilities and age, we don’t enjoy it the same and tire easily. Plus we don’t drink like we used to either which is not such a bad thing. At least we have some good memories from those days.
And as I think of our time together, it doesn’t feel like 20 years. We’ve had some really good times and some rocky moments but I know we still love each other the same and still want to hang out together (although I do need some ‘me time’ once a week).
I joked with him that we could have a twenty-year old kid by now and he cringed. We would totally be two different people by now if we had a child within that time – hell we might not even be together. He regrets not having kids sooner but he still feels we’re not financially ready. He’s a walking contradiction. Regardless. We have to get started soon.
But I always feel things work out for a reason and I’m happy we’re still together after all these years as I reach 40 next month. Argh!!!!
Hairy Situation
Friday, August 14th, 2009 | iRate Chick blogs | No Comments
My hair is very excited today. After ignoring my hair for over a year, it’s finally getting the pampering it’s longed for.
Not only is it Friday, but I’m having my hair trimmed and covering up the gray that’s populated my scalp since my last half-ass self-dye job 4 weeks ago.
My hair is so long and straggly, I keep thinking there’s a spider on my arm where the strand of hair pricks.
So this is a good way to start the weekend – all I need now is more sleep.
Diapers at 40?
Saturday, August 1st, 2009 | iRate Chick blogs | No Comments
Okay, so I’m one month shy of my fortieth bday but isnt it to soon to be wearing Depends – old people diapers?
Since I can’t get to the gym because of my early work schedule, my other unpaid job, and hubby quality-time, I’ve been jumping rope in our small patio. Today I started jumping when I pee’d on myself. What? Yes, it’s true. I couldn’t believe it. And I had just emptied out the bladder.
Then after that I sneazed and had some leakage. I was like a kid again holding myself and doing the pee dance.
I’m gaining weight, sprouting grey hair, the baby clock ticking away and now I’m peeing on myself. Come on!
Okay so maybe I’m to blame for this one. I have a bad habit of holding my full bladder to the very end like now. Bathroom break!
Okay I’m back. And that reminds me. I hold it for so long when I do go it’s like the scene from Austin Powers after he’s unfrozen and pees for a long time. Just when you think he’s done – he starts the steady stream again. That’s me.
And to think an older lady told me back in college to save my young bladder from her dreaded problem. “Honey, when you’z got to go- go.”. Her problem was that she couldn’t hold it anymore and she would come in running into the UCLA Student Health break room (my office space) every day.
You think I listened? I tell myself I won’t do it anymore but then I do it again and again. I don’t want to interrupt my genius moment with a trip to the bathroom- I guess.
Oh, well. Like they say, we’re born in diapers and die in diapers. What a viscious cycle of life.
Grouchy Zombie
Saturday, July 11th, 2009 | iRate Chick blogs | No Comments
You know you’re tired when you walk into the men’s restroom by accident, not once but twice. My 3am shift has me walking around like a zombie and in a bad mood all the time. Four months into the job and I still haven’t gotten used to the lack of sleep.
Both incidents happened at restaurants. At least when I walked into the men’s restroom the first time, I noticed the urinals right away and stopped in my tracks. Thank god there was no one using those urinals – hello! You would think I would check twice after that but no.
The next time on a Friday night at a Japanese restaurant, not only was I running on empty on snooze hours but I was starving and our friends were running half an hour late. One thing everyone knows about me is that when I’m hungry – feed me or get your head bitten off.
So with an empty stomach and zombie-like state, I went to the restroom. I walked straight into the stall and went about my business as usual. I was washing my hands when a tween boy walked in, stopped, looked at me, checked the sign outside the door and proceeded into the stall. I was thinking why is this boy coming into the women’s restroom and from the mirror watched his movement into the stall. That’s when I saw the urinals (cue the horror music) and I ran out of there so fast I nearly tripped over myself. How did I miss those horribly-looking urinals twice? The rest of the night I avoided running into that boy in the restaurant thinking either a) he told his siblings and parents and they were busy laughing or b) he was too embarrassed to mention it. Hopefully he went with option B.
I was horrified that whole night but thinking back, it was pretty funny. I’m just glad it was a boy and not a grown man who walked in. He would’ve pointed it out and that would have probably been my most embarrassing moment.
I’ve learned my lesson and think twice before walking into a public restroom. If now I can only master the bad mood part.
His Big 4-0
Sunday, May 17th, 2009 | iRate Chick blogs | No Comments
On June 2nd, my husband will be turning 40 and it’s not going to be fun. Being unemployed is already taking a toll on him plus he’ll be reaching that number we’ve both dreaded since turning 39 last year.
I thought guys took turning 40 a lot better than women because they don’t have that internal clock ticking but I guess it’s no different.
So to take his mind off things, I’m planning or more accurately should start planning his birthday bash for the last weekend of May. It’s only two weeks away and I haven’t even invited our friends. Bad wife!
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